just come out here and I will go home with you...
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
