I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
