I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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