ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Randomize
