My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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