the new term for farting is butt boxing.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
