As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
