the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
