Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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