Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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