she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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