True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
