He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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