well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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