...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
