pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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