Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
