The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
