Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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