all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
