No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
