did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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