remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She has the best kind of daddy issues
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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