You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
