Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
