just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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