Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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