i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
