whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
