i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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