I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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