How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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