Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize