So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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