and she was petting her beer can
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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