I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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