i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
