it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
