I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
