Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Who died my cat blue again?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
