Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
