i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
