he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
