He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
