What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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