I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
How's work?
Spinning.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
