we're blogging at a bar
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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