You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
