fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Never joke about your clitoris.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
