I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
